I smell stomach acid.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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