he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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