I am spending my child support on dildos
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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