I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
