Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
