I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
