I skipped work to stalk him.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
