You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Randomize
