We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
