I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
