My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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