So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
