you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
