theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
