how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
