Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
