You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
