making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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