I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
