Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
