I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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