I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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