He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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