i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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