Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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