I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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