just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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