She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
