I hate your face
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
