why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
