I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
