This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
