do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
