Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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