just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
