I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
as a side note pls kill me
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
