so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
