I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
