He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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