who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
