I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
