Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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