Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
