I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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