me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she pinky promised me she was 18
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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