What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
