I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
