Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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