Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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