the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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