I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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