How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
